As title says I am a single woman; the rest can be up for discussion on a day that I feel upbeat and happy about where my life is going.
I made the decision to be single last summer (2010) when I broke up with my last boyfriend, Mitch. But before I get to Mitch I would love to let you all in on the dating disaster that has been my life for ... well... my adult life. (I will start after my daughter's sperm donor as I feel that he is not worth the letters nor the time that it takes to type a paragraph to describe the hell I went through with him.)
This takes us to 1999 when I met Roy. I worked at the local mall along with a friend of mine who introduced me to Roy, who also happened to work at this mall. We spoke for a while, started dating, and were in a relationship for two years. It had it's up and downs; he was great with my daughter, but unfortunately he spent more time with his computer than with me. He got along fantastic with my parents, but he took me to Harvey's for Valentines Day. Needless to say we weren't meant to be; however, today he is a father to a young girl himself and is still a great friend.
After him Eric came along in 2001. We met on ICQ (the old MSN, before BBM came along) and the first time I met him face to face he was at my place of employment ordering an ice cream using a bad English accent. We dated for a year before he finally got his act together and started in a more serious relationship (shit or get off the pot, right?) That was where the patterns began - sisters, parents and battles. Eric was (correct that), IS a bit of a momma's boy. There were times during our relationship that we would fight over whether he was bringing me home for Christmas or any other family event that was held at his parents' home. His sister was another force to be reckoned with, Princess Leia as I like to call her (which worked out well since Eric has this fascination with all things Star Wars). The second Christmas that rolled around in our relationship was the toughest, his mother had told him that my daughter and I were not welcome in her home with her family; she was afraid that my daughter (who was 5 at the time) would embarrass her in front of their extended family during dinner. She always thought that Eric deserved better than a single mother, but we were great together in those days, so we shrugged off what she thought. That Christmas my family became offended that I was being pushed aside and decided to push against Eric themselves. At that point he was not really welcome in the home anymore and my parents weren't pleased at the fact that I packed my daughter into the car and drove an hour and a half (each way) to go and see him on Boxing Day. When I got there I was not welcome in their home; they considered me mischievous and guessed that I was there to cause problems, I just wanted to see my boyfriend on Christmas. May of 2003 rolled around and after I had a HUGE blow out with his sister about another event that I was not welcome at, Eric and I couldn't take the pressures of the families and we parted ways romantically. I literally didn't sleep for 3 days I was crushed that I had been judged by what I was (a single mom) and not by who I was (a woman who loved and cared for their son). Eric and I are still fantastic friends to this day, he is my new swimming buddy :)
Prepare yourself for Marshall. Marshall came along in the winter of 2004, cute, smart, older, geek - totally my type. We dated, we traveled, we went to concerts, we picked out houses, furniture, cars and played games that required betting on all accounts (we both had a bit of a fun, moneyless gambling problem going on). We were together for a solid 4 years before things started to unravel; but when they did, it was a shit avalanche. It started with his niece, she was the same age as my daughter and they got along well in short bursts of time; but the minute things started to get out of hand sides were taken and we were in the doghouse. My daughter started to resent his niece and family functions (again) were not that much fun. He started to do things alone with his mother and sister (who in my opinion was the biggest hypocrite I ever met) and I then started to resent her. We were playing house, as he wasn't ready for me to move in yet (after 5 YEARS!); but I later found out it was because of his sister and her talking him out of it. She also mentioned pre-nups and a slew of other things that never got a ring on my finger. We broke up and got back together a hand full of times; it was at a point that we were never going to let each other move on to better and happier lives away from one another. The last break up with had was the permanent one...
It took place in the summer of 2008, we were supposed to go to the cottage for two weeks. His family was coming (hooray) and he alluded to an engagement. I was super excited and couldn't wait - but I was made to. Turned out that his mother and sister only wanted me up there for the second week, I was heartbroken. Another mother and sister feud with me as the imposter. The weeks went on and I was finally "allowed" to go to the cottage, from the minute I got there I was ignored. Games were played without me and my daughter, a birthday party for his niece was given (my daughter's birthday was the week before and no one mentioned, "hey we are doing this, did you want to involve your daughter too"), movies were enjoyed without invitations for accompaniment. It was awful and all came to a head on the Tuesday night, 3 days into my time there. I FLIPPED OUT. I told his sister what I had thought of her for the last 4 years, told his mother that she was a bitch and had done a great job in raising two selfish snobbish children and that if her husband were still alive he'd probably wish that he was dead from the way that they were treating me over the time that we was there. Truth hurts right?? They all deserved the verbal ass kicking. I left the next day at 6am before anyone woke up. I wanted to leave that minute but Marshall didn't let me leave the cottage that night for fear that I would hit a moose or something on my way home.
This brings me to the last lucky fellow I had in my life. In the fall of 2009 I met Mitch; we worked together at the entertainment complex and hit it off really well. We started dating around Christmas time, he was fantastic, sweet, cute and geeky - my type. The best part about him was his family; the in-laws fantasies are made of. They were the best! One problem though, Mitch needed a little more independence training - not long after we started dating did he become the puppy I never wanted. We broke up after a cottage fiasco (damn cottages!), it was a nightmare. A super long weekend that was meant for 4 people ended up being a circus of 11! It was a push-pull on his sister (notice the pattern yet?) wanting to come up and spend time with the family and us not wanting to have everyone up, just us and our friends ... Long (and traumatizing) story short. I dumped him. We spent months apart without speaking and ended up rekindling a romance a year later. It was great in the beginning, he had friends that he went out with regularly and his own place and a great new job... But when we started dating he became that puppy again that followed me around like a shadow. We spoke of moving in together, we had a place set out and everything... I couldn't do it. I told him that something felt wrong and that I wasn't happy with him. I told him that if I lived with him I would end up killing him. I broke it off again and never looked back.
It has been a year and a half now of being single, and after reading all of that can you blame me? Obviously those stories were cut extremely short, and there were a couple more short term relationships that I left out (also involving wicked mothers and sisters, I seem to date the Cinderella of men); my dating life is a book in itself, a dating 'how-don't' if you would. Don't get me wrong, I miss having someone to cuddle with and go to events with - finding a date for my best friends wedding last spring was a nightmare! But for the most part I enjoy the single life. I enjoy my occasional nights out with friends (guys or girls) and I don't feel guilty for spending time with anyone.
Being single has taught me about me, what I like and want I don't like, I have not conformed to anyone else's likes or dislikes. I have not settled for anything less than what I feel I deserve. I don't deal with people's bullshit on whether they think I should be a certain way, act a certain way or speak a certain way. I am who I am and I am okay with that. I am the one who has to live with me and my choices and their consequences; I depend on no one and rely on no one. I work hard to pay my way and I ensure that my daughter never goes without. I work to give her the opportunities that I didn't have growing up. The sacrifices that have been made for her have been mine, and no one can dare say that I put myself before her. Being a single mom is tough; and if asked, no I probably wouldn't do it again. But I am the person I am today because of the paths that I have been down, the roads that I have taken and the trails that I have blazed. If I am to be nothing else in this world, at least I can say "I am me".
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